(Source: kari-shma, via s0ulf00d)

Sarah Prickett’s Ambiguous Aside « | Yes Means Yes 

last spring break some girl i was banging punched me in the face unexpectedly. i was like, um what the fuck just happened? she was all demure and, ‘oh, did you like that? i know you’re into some kinky shit, i wanted to surprise you.’ 
(i had a black eye for like three weeks and the very anti-sex feminists at my school had themselves in a tizzy until they found out it wasn’t from a man.)
rougher sex isn’t something you’re supposed to surprise a person with. i can’t think of an occasion that would be alright - i mean, unless you’ve done things with them before, and had their general approval. there should be a medium between surprise punches to the face and being checked in on every thirty seconds… the latter doesn’t ruin the mood, exactly, but in my experience at least it makes me second-guess the person/people topping me’s desire to actually be doing things, and it makes me start to frame the behavior, at least in the specific situation, as something more pathological than it needs to be.

(via tissie)

This is an AWESOME essay which I think everyone should read.

TMI TIME:

I guess this is actually the problem with most porn nowadays, not only porn that has elements of BDSM or any of the “kinkier” stuff. I mean, I enjoy porn as much as the next lady, but I find that most of it is pretty much soulless. And I find that I enjoy porn when it at least has a bit of emotional context with it. Sure, you can ultimately watch whatever floats your boat, but there’s something to be said about how porn warps the general expectations of people concerning their partners’ sexuality. Sure, your partner may like the “rougher” stuff, but you can’t really jump on them with that. The problem with porn is that it doesn’t show the things that happen in between the lines — the little things that make sex profound and wholesome, the nurturing that has to go with the roughness. Respect is something that has to be present at all times, with any sort of sex, rough or not.

And let me just pull out this gem of a quote:

“As a BDSMer, I bristle at the notion that people are coattailing a lot of things on the social acceptance that has been gradual and hard-won for us, or using what I do for cover.  I’ll be blunt:  me and my geeky, kinky kind are not the same as some Tucker-Max reading dude-bro who slaps his hookup across the face to see how she’ll react, or because he really hates women and he figures doing it during sex gives him cover.  I don’t want to provide cover for that asshole.  People who do what I do have been shaving pubic hair since before it was common (it’s a lot easier to take off candle wax if there’s no hair, for one thing), but we didn’t do it so dickhead could act like it’s a rule, placing “no public hair” in the sexist canon with “no fat chicks.”  If some guys are watching some genres of commercial porn and deciding that their partners must look or act like the women they see in porn, that’s a huge problem.  I could rail against commercial porn for that — I’m not so warm and fuzzy on porn as an industry, even if that annoys some of my friends — but I can’t make the industry go away and I don’t have an easy answer.”

Fuck that Max Tucker guy. There. I said it.

(via mimisaurus)

(Source: noyouremorelikeginger, via mimisaurus)

sabrina_il (via tumblinfeminist)

OMG THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!

(via sparklingsodacans)

With my love of the problematic Glee and Lady Gaga, this is reassuring. 

(via iamateenagefeminist)

THIS!

(via feministslut)

(Source: glvalentine.livejournal.com, via anarchofeminist)

(via microaggressions)

My take: Just no. I love those names. They’re often very evocative, balanced names. What’s wrong with “Bob” is that the parents didn’t like it—and a whole fucking host of other things. Seriously. There’s names that don’t sound good to us in every language, including ‘traditional’ English, but the only reason for ragging on names like that is because the people who carry them are usually black.

(Source: microaggressions)