This Is Hysteria!: microaggressions: When I was over at my friend’s house, her mother...

microaggressions:

When I was over at my friend’s house, her mother called my friend out of the room for a chat. When my friend returned, she asked my girlfriend and I to not sit next to each other because it made her mother uncomfortable, and then returned to cuddling in her boyfriend’s lap

The idea of “not ‘disrespecting’ someone who invited you into their home” by calling them out on bigoted bullshit has cropped a few times in my life now. I am opposed to the principle, apparently in contrast to everyone around me. I wonder what they would say about this incident?

Sometimes showing solidarity is more important than calling someone out—though calling out is not necessarily aggressive or inappropriate. Saying, “I think that’s unfair” and then not sitting with your opposite-sex partner for the rest of the visit is one way to show solidarity. So is offering the suggestion of another gathering place where your friends in a same-sex couple will be welcome. Making it clear that you’re not comfortable being where everyone isn’t welcome to behave alike isn’t calling someone else out but it does make a point.

One doesn’t have to go as far as a couple straight male yahoos I know who started snogging in response to bigoted comments about their queer friends. Still, there’s a lot to be said for a little drama.

Talking about this is great, because that’s how strategies for these situations are developed. A bunch of feelings and theories don’t have any impact on their own—how will they be deployed into the real world? It takes a lot of practice, even role playing. Sometimes it’s so shocking to be confronted with bigotry that it’s only by practice a good response can be summoned in the moment.

(Source: microaggressions)